


Look at me

by AbbyKane



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Kabby, Kabby AU, Kabby Angst, Kabby- Modern AU, Kabby-Relationship, kabby modern AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27926884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbbyKane/pseuds/AbbyKane
Summary: Abby and Marcus have been happily married for years, but about a month ago he became distant. Abby isn't sure how to deal with it. He is not the same Marcus that she fell in love with. And the flashbacks she gets from their relationship over the years is a healthy reminder of what their relationship used to be. How will she deal with this new change? Will he ever look at her with the same love he had in his eyes all those years ago? Will they fix this?
Relationships: Abby Griffin & Marcus Kane, Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Kabby - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27





	1. A Place to be Ours

The way he used to look at her. Oh, how it made butterflies fly in her stomach. How the way his caramel chocolate irises gazed at her, making her heart pound in her chest. How the entire world floated far off into the abyss when she saw the love and passion packed into the small pools of beautiful brown coloring with gold fireworks here and there. 

But nothing compared to the way her ribs ached at how much her heart grew when he put the ring on her ring finger. His eyes never losing hers as he slid the ring up her finger, his face was illuminated by the glow the moon gave off at night. How his eyes for the rest of the night saw nothing but her. He looked at her that night, even after they had gotten home. He saw her. 

\- 

6 years ago- 

“Marcus, where are we going?” Abby exclaimed as he held her hand, pulling her through the thick tropical plants, as the soft glow that radiated from the moon poured through cracks between the trees. Which illuminated all his features, that way his hair was gelled enough to keep out of his face, but wavy curls still gathered at the back of his neck. 

Though she wanted to know where he was pulling her, she had full trust in him. She knew that if he were going to take her somewhere, he would make sure she loved it. Earlier when the sun hung high in the sky, nurturing the life that thrived off its rays of light, they had spent all day visiting homes around Waikoloa Village. 

Abby knew Marcus had always wanted a house in Hawaii. Ever since he was little. He had told her the story. He had visited family friends of his family; they did this every summer and some Christmases from the day he was born to the day he went to college. Though he never technically lived here, it was always a second home for him. 

He was eight when he knew he never wanted to leave. He had spent every school month of every year of his life in Seattle, but it wasn’t until he was eight, sitting in the back of a car, when he saw just how beautiful Earth truly was. When he sat in the silver Acura, descending down a winding road from Waimea to Waikoloa Village. Lava rock laying around the road, as you look past the intriguing rocks, it’s nothing but grass cover island. You can see so much, but then you lift your head a little higher, maybe by half a centimeter, and all you see is blue water fading to a blue sky. But this was not what opened his eyes, it was when he gazed at the ocean a few miles from them, seeing a dark blue figure move towards the surface. When a puff of water was realized into the air, creating a rainbow in its water dew. Then a smaller figure came by its side. Gliding through the water by its side. When there was a splash, everything made sense in his eight-year-old mind. It was two humpback whales. The tale of the big one flew into the air, splash, and then they dissipated back into the blue of the seawater full of life. 

It wasn’t a small figure; it was a giant put in an unfamiliar perspective. He felt so small in the world, in the best way. He felt like he was enormously important without being important, it made sense, yet it did to him. That he was so greatly affected by one experience, yet it was everyday life. After this day, he could not stop seeing how greatly impactful life is on this earth. How everything around him was just everyday life, but also so greatly beautiful. 

Abby smiled, remembering him speak these words to her as they shared dinner together, how he was so passionate about the ecosystems that fill the earth with life. 

But her mind was wiped when her nose crashed into his back as he stopped in his tracks. He chuckled as he turned to face her. 

“I see someone’s not paying attention...” He says with sarcasm clouding his words. 

“Wha- Marcus- I-I was. I swear.” Abby says in defense, as one hand was still in Marcus’ grasp, she brought the other up to her face to comfort the small bit that radiated from its bridge.  _ Ow... _

He grasped both of her hands in his and placed them around his neck. As he placed a soft, gentle kiss on her nose, intertwining his fingers at the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. He started to trail kisses to her cheek until he met her lips. She chuckled, slightly parting her lips. And he took that chance to deepen their kiss. When he pulls away, she can feel his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. She is unsure why; they had been best friends since they were twenty and started dating at the age of twenty-four, four years ago. He was planning something and she just could not tell what it was. 

\- 

After they walked for a while longer, her feet met the sand. They were on a beach. She looked up to see an empty beach, the sand almost glowing from the light pouring from the moon. When her eyes met the waves, she lost a steady rhythm of breath. It was so beautiful. The sound of the waves crashing into the sand invading her ears. The way the waves looked like they carried the moon's glow to shore. Growing up in Chicago, she had been to the lakefront at night, but it was never like this. Here it was only lit by the moon, and in Chicago, you are surrounded by city lights. She loved the Chicago skyline at night, the way the lights illuminated the sparse clouds that hung in the sky. But here-here was different. It was freeing. The sand is slightly cool. The smell of salt floating in the air. Sweet but salty. It gave her a feeling that was more than free, it was indescribable. 

She turned to Marcus; a grin danced upon his lips as he saw Abby's expression. The light taking the vibrance away from his skin, but shading his features in the best way. The way a shadow casted the shape of a curl that had fallen to his face, the lighting made it feel like it was only them at that moment. 

“Marcus, how-how did you...” She trailed off bringing her attention to the mountain behind him, she swore it could not be real, it had to have been a backdrop. 

He slowly took her hand in his. Taking mental snapshots of her, he could not afford to lose this memory. It was too perfect to forget. She was too perfect. 

“My mom took me here as a kid.” He grinned, “I thought that this would be the perfect place to be  _ ours _ .” 

_ Ours _ , she thought, it warmed her heart how easily it rolled off his tongue. She also wondered what he meant though. 

“Abby,” his eyes gazed into hers, “you are the most important person in the world to me.” 

She was so confused but loved what he was saying so much. The way his words were so heartfelt, it felt, imaginary. 

“You and Clarke.” 

_ Oh how much he loves that silly six-year-old _ , she thought as she grinned. 

He gripped her hand and moved closer to the shore, “There is no one else that makes me happier.” 

She had no idea what was happening, but she loved every second of what was happening. 

“You know I love you, right?” He asked, knowing the answer. 

“Marcus, are you kidding me?” She could not help the chuckle that escaped her lips, “I am absolutely crazy about you!” She walked closer to him, putting one hand at the back of his neck to play with the curls, while the other one rested on his chest. His heart still beating faster than ever, “You are the man I never thought I would find.” 

“Oh, Abby-” 

“Abby nothing, I am madly in love with you, and there is nothing that can break us apart.” she paused briefly, “Marcus, you do love me, right?” She also knew the answer but needed to hear what he had to say. 

“God, Abby. How could you ask such a question? Before you, I thought love wasn’t for me, but you... you showed me differently. I love you more than that big brain of yours could ever comprehend.” He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

Then Abby almost suffocated. 

He got on one knee. 

Her brain stopped everything, stopped telling her eyes to comprehend what it is seeing, stopped telling her arms to take in air, stopped telling her heart to beat. 

“Abby,” His voice was so soft, “breath.” 

She gasped, taking in a bit too much air. 

“Oh my god,” she said just above a whisper. 

“Abigail,” he pulled out a black velvet box from his shorts, he’s kneeling in the water, the seams of his shorts getting wet. But he doesn’t care a bit. “you are, god, you-you're.” He paused, “I wish that this could roll off my tongue, but with every word that falls from my lips all I can think is how stupid I sound.” 

“no.” Her eyes slightly filled with tears, “please, keep going.” 

“heh- Abby, I never want to replace Jake. He is a part of you, a part of Clarke. And I don’t want to change a thing about either of you. I feel guilty enough letting her call me Dad.” a lump formed in his throat, but pushes through it, “Oh man- you make me happier than I ever thought possible. You give me hope. Hope that I can do better the next day. Hope that I can make every day for you more amazing than the next.” he chuckles, “I need you.” 

“Marcus.” She whispers through her dry, happy underlying, voice. 

“You mean more to me than anything.” 

He grabs her hand. 

“Abby, I’ve asked Clarke, and she about tackled my to the ground, and quoting her answer  _ ‘go, go ask right now... pleeeease.’ _ ” They both softly laugh. 

“You got tackled by a six-year-old?” Abby pursed her lips to try and hide the smile that was bound to emerge at any second. 

“In my defense, she is strong, just like her mom.” He paused, “Abby, just being able to be around you has made me the happiest man in the universe. Never in a hundred years would I have ever thought that someone like you could exist, let alone love me.” 

Unshed tears formed in Abby’s eyes. 

“Abby, I can’t promise you eternal happiness, but I can promise you that I am going to do everything in my power to make you happy. I will love you forever, and nothing will ever change that. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” His eyes were lost in hers, “You are my hope, my breath, my will, you  _ are  _ my everything.” 

“Oh, Marcus,” Abby spoke, her voice shaking with the rush of happiness through her veins, she moved her free hand to rest on her chest. 

Marcus sighed, “You have already made me the happiest, luckiest man on earth... I will never leave your side, never turn my back, never make you go through something alone, and I will always put you and Clarke’s needs before my own.” 

He then brought the black velvet box to the gap between him and Abby. He opened it slowly to reveal a silver band, with the perfect diamond on top. Not too flashy, but not too small. With smaller diamonds to the sides that dissipated as they moved further from the glistening rock. The moon made it glow. It was breathtaking. 

“Abby, will you-” 

“Get up you idiot.” Abby interrupted. 

His face fell, he was completely and utterly confused. He slowly rose, staring at the box in his hand. It took every little bit of energy he had left in him to close the box. As his finger curled around the top to shut it closed. Abby moved her hand to restrain his hand from doing so. 

Confused, Marcus’ eyes met hers. His eyes still held the pain that he buried deep down. 

“I’m sorry Ab-” 

“What are you waiting for?” 

A wave of energy bolted through his veins but was muted by that same feeling: confusion. 

“Marcus,” She brought her right hand to cup his face, rubbing her thumb through his beard. “Why do you think you would even have to ask?” 

“Wha-” 

“Marcus, please put the ring on my finger.” 

Then as the waves crashed on his feet, and then retreated back, it took all his senses with it. 

Without a thought, he gripped her hips pulling her in for a kiss. He poured every emotion he had into it. He shut his eyes to keep unshed tears from falling.

She smiled into the kiss. 

“Marcus... please.” 

He had totally forgotten about the ring. But he didn’t waste another second. He slid the ring up her left hand, her fourth finger from the thumb, maintaining eye contact. The moon illuminating the edges of her body, every curve, every strand of hair, every perfection she had. She was glowing. A smile that made Marcus’s heart glow, crept onto Abyss’s lips. 

He couldn’t wait for another second, he wrapped his arms around Abby, lifting her slightly off the ground. Placing his lips on her as he started to spin, Abby's toes just lightly grazing the water moving in and then out. 

He placed her down, keeping their foreheads touching, her arms around his neck, and his around her waist. 

“I have one more surprise for you,” Marcus said just above a whisper. 

“and what would that be?” Abby moved slightly back, gazing into his eyes. 

“Just wait, you’ll see, in what I am guessing T-5 seconds.” 

A happy confusion washed over Abby's face,  _ what could he possibly do to make this moment any better? _

But her thought was interrupted when a small figure crashed into them, wrapping one arm around her and the other around Marcus. 

She looked down to see a bundle of blond curls falling in front of two big blue eyes and one large grin. 

“Why hello there.” Marcus chuckled, lifting the girl into his arms. 

“Did she say yes?” Clarke tried to whisper, but Abby could still hear her. 

“Yes, Clarke, I did,” Abby answered, wrapping her arms around Marcus’ middle. As Marcus held Clarke with one arm, snaking the other to hold Abby. 

“Yay!” Clarke exclaimed, warping her arms tightly around Marcus’ neck. 

They stood there holding each other in their arms. 

“Clarke, honey, how did you get here?” Abby asked, shifting her smiling gaze between Marcus and Clarke. 

“Grandma brought me.” 

“Oh, she did?” Abby questioned, “Where’s Vera?” She turned her attention to Marcus with a smile. 

“Right. Over. There.” Marcus pointed to a shady spot, covered in trees. Vera appeared with a smile that lit up as she walked up to them with a canon camera. 

“Come here for a hug, dear,” Vera said, with open arms for Abby. Abby lightly welcomed Vera’s embrace. “He better treat you right, because you deserve that.” 

“Oh Vera, he already treats me better than I deserve.” 

Marcus set Clarke down. But Clarke grabbed his hand and ran towards the two women that were only feet in front of them. 

Marcus trotted behind the bundle of energy. They reached the women, and Clarke pulled at the bottom of his shirt. She may have been six, but she always knew what she wanted. He picked her up so she could be eye level with the adults. When Abby pulled from Vera’s embrace and hugged Marcus and Clarke. Then the three-way hug was made four ways when Clarke pulled Vera into the hug. 

\- 

A few hours later. 

They had all headed home, to Vera’s summer home in Waikoloa Village. 

“Clarke is finally asleep,” Marcus says, walking into the living room where Abby sat on the couch watching s03e22, the season finale. She was playing with the newly put ring on her finger smiling. “You’re re-watching? Isn’t the first episode of season 5 out now?” 

“Well, yes.” She had a big goofy grin on her face. 

“Well then why are you watching the end of season 3?” Marcus walked to the couch and sat on the other end of the couch. The house was finally quiet besides the TV and their conversation. Vera had gone to bed as soon as they got home, but Clarke took some convincing. But she was finally down. 

“Because I need to refresh my memory.” She sat up and moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, as he wrapped his arm around her. “A lot happened in season 4... if I remember correctly. So, I need to re-watch it so my mind is sharp for season 5.” 

He chuckled in disbelief. 

“Hey,” She playfully slapped his arm, “don’t make fun of me!” 

“What?!” he pretended to look confused, “I would never do that to the woman I love.” Before she could respond, he gently placed his lips on hers. The kiss was gentle and light, full of love and happiness. 

Then the episode ended. 

“Next episode?” Abby chuckled. 

“Why not.” 

Abby picked up the remote and went ahead to the first episode of season 4. As the episode played, talking about the law of motion, Marcus stroked her hair, watching her with love in his eyes. As she watched the TV. 

“He’s a professor now.” 

“The MacGyver person?” Marcus questioned, he didn’t really watch the show, he had only seen a few episodes. Only when Abby had it on. 

“Yeah, this is supposed to be a little over a year later... I think.” 

They watched the next couple of minutes in silence. When MacGyver is trying to get someone off his tail but fails. 

“He is a new character.” Abby said, glancing at Marcus, “Callie thinks he looks just like you.” 

“What?” 

“I know right. I mean, I guess I can see some similarities. But not exactly.” She pauses, “The hair is about the only thing that reminds me of you.” She runs her fingers through his hair. 

“Is that so?” 

“Oh yes, I mean you obviously wear it so much better.” 

“You really think that?” His voice low and husky. 

“ _ mmhmm _ ” her lips pressed together into a smile. 

When their lips touched, it was perfect. Abby felt wanted, loved, and like nothing could break them apart. 

\- 

Present- 

Remembering that night made the ring around her finger feel even heavier than it did before. What once felt so light and delightful, now felt heavy and numb. She wanted him to look at her the same way he used to. But now, it was all different. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Kudos and comments make my day, and please comment any suggestions you have. I am happy to hear your thoughts. 
> 
> I will most likely post one chapter every week or every other week.
> 
> Extra: The memory where Marcus sees a whale while driving in Hawaii as a kid, is based on a real experience I had. Incase anyone was wondering.


	2. Our Mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys this is an informative chapter, so I am basically just throwing a bunch of information at you which I will break down in the chapters to come. 
> 
> Also when you see this '*' or '**' Just basically go to the bottom chapter notes and read the information listed next to it. 
> 
> And sorry this is kinda short.
> 
> Okay, hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

Abby couldn’t help but look at the cold spot on her bed to her left where Marcus used to be every night and remember how he would hold her as if she could just float away at any moment. The feeling of his body pressed against hers as she drifted to sleep. But now, he would work in his office late. Sitting in the room on the first floor doing god knows what. She missed how he would rarely focus on work at home. But it all changed about a month ago, her world changed and she still doesn’t know why.

About a month ago- 

About 6 am- 

When Abby woke up, he was gone. Where he had fallen asleep was empty. This was normal, she knew exactly where and what he was doing. Every weekday at 5:30 am he would sneak out of bed to go on a run. 

Abby never liked waking alone, but he enjoyed running before work. So, she lived with it. At Least on weekends, she would wake with him next to her, most of the time his arm laying protectively over her torso. 

He normally got back from his morning runs sometime before 6. She stayed in bed, waiting for him to bring her morning coffee. That was routine, he would go on a run, come home, bring Abby coffee, shower, and then make sure Abby was fully awake. All before 6:45 am. He was her version of a superhero. How he could do so much in one morning never ceased to surprise her. He was everything she could ever dream of and more. 

Her thoughts were interrupted when the wooden door was quietly pushed open, grazing the hard wooden floors. Her eyes still riddled with sleep, she tried to focus on the figure that entered the cool room. She didn’t have to focus to know who it was though. She knew it was Marcus. When her eyes finally could make out every detail around her she saw him. He was wearing a North Western t-shirt, black shorts, and black Nike shoes. 

When he reached her he placed the grey mug on her nightstand. Then sat next to her, caressing her cheek and moving the hair that had fallen to her face behind her ear. A grin danced upon his lips as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“You’re sweaty.” Abby's words still cloaked with sleep.

“Well that tends to happen when you exercise.” and somehow his grin grew wider.

“I’m just saying…” Abby chuckled.

“Well, I am about to go shower.” He squeezed her hand, “Love you.” 

“Love you, too,” Abby responded as he got up and headed to the master bathroom.

She heard the sound of water hitting the cold tiled floor, the shower door open, and then close. Her body still craved sleep, but her mind knew she had to get ready for the day. She had a routine surgery today, nothing big, but she still wanted to get up and get the day started. 

Despite what she had told herself, she still hadn’t moved from her king-sized mattress which faced the windows that looked out at more two-story townhomes in lincoln park. Only a few blocks away from lake Michigan. 

Abby decided to stay in Chicago after graduating from North Western, and Marcus couldn’t leave his best friend to raise a newborn by herself after she had lost Jake. So, they became roommates so he could help raise his goddaughter. Abby was so grateful that he was there when Jake was unable to be. She ultimately decided to put taking the MCAT on a little less than a year's hold, during that time she worked as a scribe for North Western Medicine. They had a good routine that year, while Clarke was just about 1 Marcus had a job as an ecologist and Abby as a scribe. They were doing okay, Jake had been gone for about a year, and Abby and Marcus were finally looking at the future. Questioning what would happen. If Clarke and Abby would move at some point, and every time they talked about it broke their hearts, Marcus had grown so close to Clarke, as if she was his own child. But he never showed it, and Abby hated the thought of raising Clarke alone, but like Marcus, she never expressed this concern either.

Once Abby took the MCAT, she applied to schools all over the country. Marcus’s heart ripped a little every time Abby got an acceptance letter from a school across the country. He always wore a smile when the letter read accepted, but inside it felt like a punch to the gut. When she got the acceptance letter from North Western School of Medicine, he felt lighter, he held out hope that maybe she would pick North Western. In the end, Abby watched her almost-two-year-old daughter in Marcus’ arms and could never take her away from him, that is what part of her told her. The other part couldn’t bear leaving him, couldn’t imagine coming home from school to anyone other than Marcus and Clarke. About a week before she had to choose, a feeling she had for Marcus had risen to the surface, feelings she always had but never quite acknowledged. So, she needed to tell him, and if this wasn’t how he felt she would leave, but if there was any part of him that felt the same way she would never leave. After she had opened up to him, their relationship changed. She sent the email to North Western, confirming she would take the spot. Abby and Marcus were no longer best friends, but more. (I will write a chapter going more in-depth about this.)

They dated for four years, falling in love in a matter of months. Clarke was six, and Abby had just graduated from med school. So Marcus took them to Hawaii like they did every summer and Christmas. When he got down on one knee under the moon's glow. A few months after the engagement, they got married in Hawaii during Christmas, all the couple wanted was a small celebration. It wasn’t during the hot paradise days, but it was perfect. They intended to buy a vacation home there because they were already going when they had holidays. And they got a house, but sadly it didn’t involve them buying one. Only weeks after Abby had been Abigail Kane, Vera Kane had passed peacefully in her sleep. The will stated that the house Waikoloa Village would be given to Marcus and Abby. The funeral was set in the large backyard of that house, the house sat slightly above sea level so the funeral beautifully overlooked the water. It was exactly what she would have wanted*. 

Then after being married for a little over two years, Marcus and Abby were 30 when they welcomed their first Kane child. Hope Vera Kane was born in Chicago, Illinois, on February 25 at 3:06 pm**. Clarke was a big sister at the age of 8. 

Two years later, Abby and Marcus welcomed their second child, Alexander Liam Kane***, in Chicago, Illinois, on July 9th at 6:09 am ****. That was the same year Abby had finished her residency.

And here she was two years later, sitting in her bed looking out the window gazing at the baby blue sky full of marshmallow colored clouds. Thinking about her past, and what her future holds. How everything that has happened, happened so that she could get here. To be in this house full of family, of love. 

Then she was pulled from her thoughts when Marcus walked out of the bathroom in a towel, and he met her eyes.

“You’re still in bed?” He asked, running his fingers through his wet jet black hair.

“Maybe. Why?”

“Just asking,” He made his way towards the small walk-in closet, “normally you’re awake with the kids.”

“Is that judgment I hear, Mr. Kane?” She chuckled.

He couldn’t help a laugh escape his lips, “Nope. No judgment here.” He flipped through the rack of dress shirts.

“Well, I am not up, because the kids from what I can hear haven't woken up yet, and just laying in bed in the mornings are hard to come by nowadays.”

“Don’t jinx it.”

_ hmm... _ Abby muttered, taking a sip from the cup of coffee Marcus had brought her earlier. 

Marcus walked out of the closet wearing a baby blue button-up long sleeve shirt and black dress pants. His hair was still slightly damp, so the tips of his hair created baby curls. 

“Don’t you have a free day today?” Abby questioned, placing the grey mug on a coaster that rested on the nightstand to her right. 

“Crap.” He ran his fingers through his hair, “I forgot.”

Abby tried to hide the smile that emerged on her lips, sinking deeper into the bed, pulling the duvet to barely cover her chin.

“Look at who's judging now…”

“What? Me? Never.”

Marcus retreated to the closet and when he walked out wearing a slightly loose, pine green long sleeve shirt, with black jeans. 

“So, I am guessing for your free day you’d be up to drop Clarke and Hope at school?” Abby asked with a slight smirk on her face.

He climbed into bed next to Abby, draping his arm gently yet protectively over her abdomen, as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck.  _ Mmm… _ Is all he was able to muster.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Abby giggled, leaning her head against his. As he drew his hand up and down her side. She picked up her phone to look at the time,  _ 7:00 am _ , “Okay mister, I have to get up before-”

But what she was about to say next was interrupted when a four-year-old with dark wavy hair and natural caramel highlights, bursted through the doors. Jumping into her father’s arms. 

“Well, someone’s awake.” Marcus pointed out, clearly talking about Hope.

She didn’t even try to hide the big grin that danced upon her lips, as a few strands of wavy caramel infused chocolate brown hair fell to cover a part of her face. 

Abby reached her hand up and pushed the hair behind her ear. 

Hope still wrapped in Marcus’ arms, she snuggled more into him. Resting her head on his chest and holding his arm that loving enveloped around her. 

Her eyes slowly shut as her father placed a kiss to her head. 

“I love you, Daddy.” Hope muttered just above a whisper, as she fell into a state between sleep and a daydream. 

“I love you too, my little warrior.” Marcus pulls the light grey duvet to cover his daughter. He turns on his side so Hope is resting her head on his arm, and he can gaze right at Abby.

A lazy, sleepily, smile washes over his face at the sight of Abby. Her almond-shaped eyes perfectly capturing her milk-chocolate irises holding glimpses of bronze flakes floating within them. Her eyes taking in every detail of this moment, of her daughter asleep in her husband's arms. It happened so often, and yet, she could watch forever. She had always been her daddy's little warrior, there was no doubt about that. She had her colored hair, but his curls. Her colored eyes, but his shaped. Hope was a perfect mix of both her and Marcus. 

Abby takes mental pictures from how Hopes wavy baby hairs fall to her face, swaying with the rhythm of her breath. To the way Marcus’ trapped arm hooked around her, grazing up and down the girl's arm, sending her into a deeper slumber. 

Only a few minutes later, Marcus drifted daydream as Abby just laid there eyeing the way Hope laid softly in his arms. Marcus’ eyes softly fluttered open. Gazing at Abby with awe in his eyes. His lips slightly parted to say something when his next words were lost in the cry of a baby. 

Abby's lips curled upwards into a lazy smile. She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently, she didn’t have to form words to tell him  _ I’ve got it _ .

He nodded slightly, as she slipped from their warm bed trying not to wake her daughter. 

She placed one foot in front of the other quietly passing Clark's door she headed for the room at the end of the hall. She turned the cool metal knob and pushed it slightly open to reveal a soft pastel green painted room. A white crib laid in the middle of the right-back wall. To the left of it is a window and to the right a white changing table. Her feet met the carpet that laid in the room. She made her way to the white crib, gripping the sides with her palms she looked down with a big grin on her face. Alex laid there in a light blue onzie with whales on it, with the biggest grin at Abby. She smiled back down at him rubbing her fingers lightly against his cheek. 

Once she had changed his diaper, she headed back down the hall with Alex sitting on her hip holding a whale plushy. She stopped in front of Clark's door, knocking lightly letting her 12-year-old daughter know she was coming in. 

She pushed open the door to see a light purple room, the walls covered in art, and her desk covered in sketches. She lightly walked to her twin-sized bed and sat beside Clarke who was still in a deep sleep state. Her blond wavy hair falling over her shoulders, Abby moved her hair out of her face.

“Hey, sleepy girl, it’s time to get up.”

“ _ Mmm _ ” Clarke groaned into her pillow.

“C’mon, it’s Friday.” Abby stood re-adjusting Alex to sit on her other hip. She walked towards the grey blackout curtains and pulled them open to reveal Clarke's perfect view down the street to see blue water a couple of blocks away. Clark's room had the best view in the whole house. And Abby was always jealous of it, but she knew that Clarke would enjoy it much more, seeing as how much she missed Hawaii when she was in Chicago. 

“Moooomm…” Clarke moaned again, as she pulled the grey quilt to cover her face.

“Clarke, honey I am going to go get ready, and you should do the same,” Abby spoke softly. Walking towards Clarke placing a kiss on her head. Turning to walk out of the room but leaving the door open.

She walked further down the hall into the master bedroom. She walked through the small hall that came after her bedroom door. It opened into the large room with large windows that allowed for as much natural light to pour in as there was outside. 

She switched her gaze to her right, where Marcus laid looking through emails with the arm that wasn’t still holding his daughter. Then his gaze met hers and he put his phone down and smiled so softly at the sight of his son on his wife's hip. 

“She’s still asleep?” Abby spoke just above a whisper, as she climbed into bed laying Alex next to his sister. 

“ _ Mmhmm _ .” Marcus shifted his gaze from Abby to Alex and back. “Is Clarke awake yet?”

“Well, kinda, I woke her a opened her curtains. So she should be getting out of bed within the next few minutes.”

Marcus nodded his head, and leaned into Abby as his lips met hers, “I never got my morning kiss.” He smirked.

Abby cupped his face with her left hand, while her right cuddled Alex, “Well here is an ‘I'm sorry you didn’t get your morning/wake up kiss’.” She grinned as she leaned into him one more time, his lips slightly more gentle this time.

As they parted he placed his free hand on top of hers and turned his head to kiss her palm.

“I love you,” Abby spoke, placing her hand back on his cheek running her fingers through his beard. 

“I love you too.” He placed his hand on her knee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Next chapter will go into more detail about this
> 
> **I am going to point this out because you probably won't see it if I don't say it. I made it this specific day and time, because of the episode where Abby kisses Marcus’ cheek and says “Let’s call it hope.” Aired on February 25, 2016, and the episode is season 3 episode 6.
> 
> ***Alexander/Alex in greek means protector of mankind, and Liam is Irish for strong-willed.
> 
> ****What you take with you, was season 6 episode 9 and aired on July 9, 2019, the episode when Kane dies, and he tells Abby how strong she is. That is why I choose Alex’s middle name to mean strong/strong-willed.
> 
> -
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you thought this chapter was okay.  
> As always kudos are appreciated, and if you have any suggestions or feedback feel free to comment. I like to know what I should work on. :)  
> Have a nice day.


	3. Our Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided not to go over Vera's funeral in this chapter, but at some point I will.
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all had a wonderful day, even if you don't celebrate Christmas. 
> 
> Also, I am very sorry for the ending...

About six years ago:

They stood hand in hand in the backyard of Vera’s home in Waikoloa Village. Looking to the west a view of the ocean was framed by green life at the bottom and a vibrant blue sky at the top. 

Not many people were there, just a few friends and family. Most of which had to travel to be here. 

It was about a week or two before Christmas, so the day held a cool breeze but nothing a light jacket couldn’t ward off. 

Since the collection of people was not large, it hadn’t taken long to plan, it was exactly what both Abby and Marcus wanted though. Something simple, yet beautiful. Something that wasn’t eye capturing, yet held more beauty than one would expect when first seen. 

Abby wore a white flowing dress with brown buttons from the bottom to the top, with a built-in elastic waistband that was placed just below the bottom of her rib cage, and the short sleeves tightened around her arms to slightly poof. Her golden-brown hair in her natural beachy waves, cascaded down her shoulders.

Marcus wore a light blue linen button-up shirt with khakis. His hair slightly gelled to keep from falling to his face, but not to lay flat against his scalp.

The six-year-old, Clarke, wore a white ankle-length sun linen dress. And similar to her mother’s, this one had a string that when tied in the front, tightening the loose fabric around the middle of her ribcage. Her hair pulled back into a half up half down ponytail. 

~

“I believe you have prepared your own vows,” Callie commented, Callie had gotten ordained just for her best friend's wedding. 

Both Abby and Marcus nodded.

Abby parted her lips to speak when Marcus had stopped her. 

“I have something I need to do, err, say before _we_ exchange vows.”

Abby, completely stunned, had no idea what was happening. She had not known that this was part of the plan. She didn’t panic, because she knew that Marcus would never do something she wouldn’t approve of. So, she went with it, she had faith in him.

Her hands slipped from his when he turned to face his best man, Jacapo Sinclair. He nodded at him, and Jacapo proceeded to reach in his pants pocket for a black skinny rectangular cardboard box. 

Once the box was in Marcus’ hands, he turned back to his previous position. But he wasn’t looking at Abby, but the blond six-year-old flower girl.

“Clarke, honey, come here,” Marcus said, getting down to one knee to be eye level with her.

She came around to stand a foot in front of Abby, but only inches from Marcus. Being the energetic human being she is, she couldn’t standstill. She intertwined her fingers behind her back and swayed from side to side, but Marcus didn’t mind, in fact, he suspected it would happen. She wore a big goofy grin on her face, due to the fact that she didn’t know what was happening either.

Marcus looked down at the box and then back up at Clarke. He stared at her for a matter of seconds but felt for him an eternity while thoughts raced through his mind. Like; how could the newborn baby that had him twisted around her tiny fingers before she was even born, turn into this beautiful, kind, and independent child, and thought about how those big blue eyes of hers could talk him into doing anything. 

He cleared his throat pulling him from his thoughts.

“Clarke, you know how much I love you, right?” 

She nodded her head pulling her lips into a larger smile.

“You are so important to me. I will never let anything bad happen to you, ever.” He shifted his weight, “You are _so_ special, and you can never let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you so much, more than you will ever know. I will protect you at all costs, love you with every cell in my body, and care for you every second of every day.”

He reached out for her hand, and she gladly gave it to him.

“And that will _never_ change.”

Abby tried to keep the moisture she felt in her eyes back as her heart exploded with every sentence that slipped from his lips. She didn’t want to cry because this was their moment, their time, and crying would only take part of that from them, even if they were happy tears.

“Remember that sweetie, I will _protect, love, and care for you,_ every second of every day.”

He reaches and pushes a blond curl that fell to her face behind her ear.

“And with that, I want to give you this.”

He slipped off the top of the cardboard box, placing the heavy of the box on top of it, to reveal a simple silver cuff bracelet. He took it out of the box. Placed the box on the ground. He turned the cuff so she could see inside of it.

“ _Every second of every day._ ” He read to her. It was engraved in a bold italic font. He grinned at the young girl as he placed the cuff around her wrist adjusting the size. 

“I love you, Clar-” 

When Clarke threw her arms around his neck burying her face in his neck. 

“I love you too, Daddy.” 

He wrapped his arms around the young girl, closing his eyes at the feeling of his heart glowing in his chest.

“Now,” she tightened her grip around his neck, “go marry Mommy.” and she released him. Leaving a smile to dance upon both their lips.

But before he stood up, he placed a kiss on her head.

  
  


~

Now he stood before Abby, taking her hands within his grasp once again, and he squeezed her hands for comfort when he noticed the unshed tears in her eyes.

“If you are both ready, you can now exchange your vows. But I’m not sure how you're gonna top that.” Callie jokes as Marcus and Abby chuckled along with her and the rest of the small audience. 

Once the chuckles dissipated, Abby smiled at Marcus. Her eyes widen in awe, her heart filling with love, and her attention fully set on him. She swayed her arms slightly.

“I am going to go first because I am scared that once I hear yours I am going to ask to re-write mine.” a soft laugh escaped Marcus’ lips at Abby's words. 

“Marcus, from the day we met in freshman year of university, I thought you were an utter asshole. Now, I know you are.” A smile emerged on Marcus’s face.

“But that is now completely overpowered by everything I love about you. Now, there isn’t a single part of you I don’t absolutely adore. Even your asshole part, but gosh I can’t begin to list off every part of you that I love more than anything. You make me laugh till I cry, and comfort me when those tears are brought on by something other than laughter. Marcus Kane, you are my _hope_ , my _everything_.” She softly smiles at him.

“I will never understand how someone as perfect as you picked to love, to cherish, to follow _me_. But I do know that I am the damn luckiest girl alive because of it.” Abby shifted her gaze to the beautiful ocean view, and then back to Marcus. 

“You introduced me to a beautiful island that I’ve fallen completely, utterly in love with. I can’t begin to state how grateful I will forever be.” Marcus notices that her start eyes fill with tears, he can tell what she is about to say next hits home.

“Marcus y-” she sniffled, breaking away one hand from him to wipe the stray tears, “Marcus, you helped me raise an amazing child. You helped me through the worst part of my life. _You_ got me out of a box I had put myself in after I had lost someone that meant so much to me. _You_ told me that as long as you were around, I would never have to go through anything alone. And _you_ held that promise. _You_ didn’t only welcome me into your arms, but my daughter, who you raised as your own. Marcus not only do you _choose_ to raise her, but you _choose_ to love her, to care for her.” She wiped her cheek one more time before placing her hand back in Marcus’.

“You are the best person I know, and I will love you more than that big brain of yours will ever be able to comprehend. You never cease to surprise me, Marcus Kane.” She shifts her weight, looking to the floor and back to his big brown eyes. 

“There is a quote, ‘The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.’ and with _you_ Marcus, I am as calm as a stream.” She squeezes his hands one more time.

“I love you, and my heart has no evidential reason to, yet it has too many to count. So I say in the most complicated yet simple three words, _I love you_. Because there is no other action or string of words that I can or could ever take to show just how much I love you. So, I say it in the most powerful three-letter phrase, I love _you_.”

They both pulled one hand from each other to wipe their tears. Bringing their hands back together, Abby swayed their hands slightly communicating to Marcus that he could begin when he felt ready.

Marcus cleared his throat and gazed at their joint hands. His lungs drew in a deep breath, holding it for only a moment before letting it out in a soft chuckle.

“Oh, man Abby.” He raised his gaze to her, “Oh Abby-Oh you’re perfect… Actually, you’re more than perfect... Perfect doesn’t begin to cover what you are. You… You are the strongest, bravest, most courageous person I have ever set eyes on. The list could go on, I could stand here and talk about how perfect you are as a mother, to every eyelash hair you have.” he briefly paused, “You know, I had a whole two pages of what I wanted to say written and memorized. But saying them in my head right now just- it just doesn’t feel right or fair, because I want to say so many things to you right now, make promises to you right now, promises I can’t keep but want to try. Abby, I want to promise you life long things like happiness, but I know I can’t do that. And that thought- that thought breaks me from the inside out. The fact that there are just some pains that I can’t protect you from, that I can’t promise we won’t fight, because I know we will. And that pains me to say, but it's the truth, I know it's not what couples want to think, but it's true. It’s inevitable, but my heart lightens knowing that if we have gotten this far, we can get through a silly little fight, and even come back stronger from it.” He shifts his weight taking his gaze from Abby to the grass below them.

“I have so much to say, yet I can’t seem to find any words to be able to mutter any of it out.” He shifted his gaze back to Abby.

“Abby, you have already given me more than I deserve. You allow me to love and care for not only you but Clarke. You let me in when it felt like both our worlds were crumbling around us at far too quick of a pace. That day, you choose to let me in. That week you allowed me to care for you.” He gripped her hands tighter in his grasp.

“And as much as you say that I saved you that year, you saved me… You gave me a gift greater than anything. You gave me a chance to be in Clarke’s life. You gave me a purpose. You let me in, which helped me out of the ditch I dug myself into.” He paused, loosening his grip on her hands.

“Abby, I love you. And I will spend every waking moment trying to accomplish these unrealistic promises, until my dying breath. I will love you even after my last moments on this beautiful planet I get to share and call home alongside you because my love for you is eternal and everlasting.” He pauses, “I wish my vows were as long as yours, but I am afraid if I keep going I am never going to be able to stop.” Her grin mirrored his. 

-

Marcus closed the door, leaving the cool nights breeze at the doorstep of Veras home in Waikoloa Village. He made his way down the short hall that held photos from their past, it held memories. From the day Marcus was born to the first time Clarke had seen the ocean. 

He stopped at that photo. Jake had been gone for slightly over a year. Marcus knew that Abby needed to get away that summer, Clarke was a little younger than a year old. What little blond hair she had, formed into curls at the back of her neck, and her big sapphire eyes glistened in the afternoon sun. Her lips pulled into a grin showing off her tiny baby teeth. She wore a purple one-piece swimsuit with ruffles along its spaghetti straps. Marcus’s hands placed under her armpits holding her up as her toes just barely skimmed the water that came and then retreated. 

Marcus lifted his gaze to Abby in the picture, she was nothing short of stunning. Her sunkissed cinnamon hair cascading down her shoulders. Her hand placed on Marcus’s shoulder, as the picture perfectly captivated the smile that danced on her lips, and her eyes full of happiness. 

That day was one of the first days Abby and Clarke had ever been to the island. That day, that moment, that memory, is something Marcus holds dear to his heart. Since, on _that_ day, Abby was his best friend and roommate. But _now_ , Abby was his best friend and more, Abby was his everything, Abby was the love of his life, Abby was now his wife. 

And Clarke, _that_ day she was her goddaughter, someone he would do anything for. And _now_ , she was nothing less than his daughter. Even if they aren't blood-related, she was his daughter. Someone that he loved more than life itself. 

Marcus was brought from his memories when a noise from the living room. The noise sounded like pillows being moved, maybe. So he moved from the framed photo passing the hall to his left that leads to the stairs, garage, and guest room, and bathroom. Walking into the kitchen that opens into the dining room and living room, beyond the large granite-topped kitchen island. He stopped at the arched doorway peering at Abby laying angelically on the dark beige colored couch. The room was large, the roof going up into an obtuse triangle supported by dark oak wood beams, and light tan colored walls appeared scarcely where there weren't floor to ceiling windows surrounding the room that peered into the backyard to a view of the night sky floating above the endless abyss of the ocean.

He leaned against the arched door frame. Hands in his pockets, in awe at Abby. His mind couldn’t help but say the words, _Abigail Kane_ , over and over and over. The way those words sounded so pleasurable in his mind. But it was more than what they sounded like paired together, it was what they meant when they were said side by side. They stood for something that made his heart glow. 

At that moment he was pulled from his thoughts when Abby turned her head and met his gaze. His eyes full of love, his mind deep in thought, and the ring on his finger making her heart swell. 

He noticed her loving gaze. So, he lifted his weight from the wall and walked over to the couch, and dropped to the opposite to where Abby was laying.

Abby sat up and shifted to the other side of the couch, nuzzling herself into the crook between his arm and body, and resting her head on his chest.

“So, Mr. Kane, how did you manage to move Clarke to her car seat, fasten her in, and close the car door without waking her?” Abby questioned, as she played with the collar of his linen shirt. 

“Well, Mrs. Kane, a magician never reveals their secrets.” He smirked, placing his hand over hers, rubbing his thumb over her hand. Feeling the cool metal band and rock under it. 

Abby rolled her eyes and lifted her head to drink all of him in. She could sit there for hours, running her fingers through his hair, over his lips, gliding a finger through his beard, tracing his cheekbones. But the strain building in her neck had a different idea. She rested her head on his shoulder so she could still take in the beautiful brown that filled his irises. She glided her hand to his abdomen, resting it there, moving her thumb from side to side. 

“Abby,” His voice pulled her from her thoughts, “Christmas is in two weeks. Have you decided if you want to stay here or go back to Chicago?”

Abby sighed, “I- I ultimately think we should stay until Christmas and then go back for New Years'. What do you think?”

“Whatever makes you happy.” he grinned, tightening his arm around her, placing a gentle kiss to her lips, “By the way, we will have this house to ourselves, well including Clarke, starting in 48 hours.”

“Wait, where is Vera gonna be?”

“She is going to visit a friend in Hilo from then until Christmas. She said something about it being a previously planned thing, so she can't back out now.”

“Well, I guess I will have my two favorite people under one roof for two weeks.” Her smile could light up a city.

He kissed her again.

-

  
2 weeks later:

Marcus slowly awoke, the sun just barely spilling into the room. It couldn’t have been later than 6 am. His arm protectively and lovingly draped over Abby's waist, her body pressed into his. He so badly wanted to kiss the bare skin of her neck but didn’t want to wake her from her peaceful slumber. 

So, he laid there, Abby enveloped in his arms. Her scent of sweet pineapple and salt invading his nostrils when he took a breath. He softly closed his eyes, nuzzling his face deeper in her hair. He looked forward to this day. Today he would only focus on Abby and Clarke, and nothing else. 

He laid there for about fifteen minutes when he felt Abby begin to stir in his arms. He placed a soft kiss on her neck.

“Morning.” He spoke lightly.

“Mornin,” Abby breathed, sleep still draped over her words, “what time is it?”

“About 6:30.”

“Clarkes not awake, we should get up.”

“If she's still asleep shouldn’t we just stay here?”

“As much as that is tempting, I want some caffeine before our ecstatic six-year-old comes running out of her room wanting to do a thousand things at once.” Abby rolled in his arms to face him.

“Ahh,” he bent down and kissed her, “how do you always end up being right?”

“A magician never reveals their secrets.” She grinned, cupping his face.

-

“Want another cup?” Marcus asked Abby.

“Yes please.”

He walked over to Keurig, placing the mug under the spout and pressing start. It was about 7:30 am.

“I think this is the latest she's slept in on a Christmas.” Marcus joked.

“ _Shhh!_ ” she slapped his arm playfully, “don’t jinx it!”

“We-”

But he stopped when he heard a bedroom door swing open upstairs.

Abby gave him a look, and he dropped his head.

“Mommy, Daddy, it’s Christmas!” Clarke yelled, rushing towards the kitchen into Marcus’s arms.

He lifted her into his arms, “I know.” He kissed her temple.

“Did you sleep well, sweetie?” Abby asked

Clarke shook her head up and down so quickly that Marcus was afraid she might give herself whiplash. 

“That's good,” Marcus said, adjusting her red shirt that matched her pants, it read _Dear Santa, Please define good…_

Marcus walked to the other side of the kitchen island placing her on the island stool next to Abby. She quickly repositioned herself to sit on her knees resting her palms on the granite countertop.

“Well, my little princess, what do you want for breakfast on this wonderful Christmas day?” Marcus asked, placing the refilled cup of coffee in front of Abby.

“ _Mmm…_ ” She swayed side to side, clearly deep in thought. 

Amused, Marcus couldn’t help the smile that sung on his lips.

“How ‘bout eggs and toast?” Abby suggested.

“Moooooom! It’s Christmas!” Clarke tried to rebuttal.

“Yahhh, Mooooom,” Marcus said, clearly on Clarke's side.

“Well then, Clarke, what do you want?” She smirked, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Hmm, Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetie.”

“Can you make the cinnamon sugar toast? Like you do on my birthday?”

Marcus sighed, debating if he should allow this birthday treat to be permitted on Christmas.

“Okay, fine, but” He shifted his gaze to Abby, “I am going to make eggs and toast for myself, what do you want?”

“Eggs and toast sound perfect, honey. Thank you.” She got up and kissed him on the cheek, “Clarke, sweetie, help your father make breakfast. I will be right back.”

Marcus grasped her arm, “Where are you going?” he whispered as he smirked.

“Just going to put some extra gifts under the tree, because I know a certain someone likes to rummage through them before Christmas day…” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“What?! Me?! Never.”

“Uh-huh, sure…” She patted his cheek and turned to head upstairs.

-

“Thank you!” Clarke shrilled wrapping her arms around both Marcus and Abby. 

“Now, Clarke, there are going to be time limits, okay?” Marcus spoke.

“Mkay.”

She pulled back looking at the sleek white box with a photo of an iPad mini on top of it.

-

  
  


About a month ago, from the present (day Marcus became distant):

Abby took out her buzzing phone to see Marcus’s face.

“Hey.” Her voice was soft.

“Hey,” he replied, and she could hear him grinning through the phone, “so, I was wondering. For my free day, do you want to get lunch with me and Alex during your lunch break?”

“That sounds very nice, I could use a break from all the hospital cafeteria food.”

“12:30 at Gino’s East?”

“That sounds perfect.” Abby put her free hand in her pocket, then she saw her intern Jackson waving for her attention, “Honey, I got to go, but I'll see you and Alex at Gino’s East at 12:30.”

“Perfect. Love you.”

“Love you too, bye.” She put her phone back in her pocket.

-

The same day, 12:30:

Abby sat at a table waiting for Marcus and Alex to arrive. She had already ordered knowing what he would want.

She didn’t think she had been sitting there that long, but when the pizzas came out, she knew it had been a while.

Where could he be? 

She checked her phone, _12:50 pm_ , she went to call him, but everything went to voicemail right away.

She had started to worry, had something happened to Alex? Was there an accident? Were they both hurt?

Little did she know he was in the driveway of a hospital up in Evanston. Sitting in his car mentally screaming.

-

Same time, just where Marcus is:

God, how was he going to deal with this? He didn’t know whether to smash something or sit there feeling numb to the bone, maybe both.

How was he going to look Abby in the eye and say something like, _Hey, we have a new family member? Maybe? I am not sure what is happening, but she is my_ **daughter** , God that felt odd to say, he didn’t even know she existed, how could they ask this of him?

“FUCK!” He settled on both. 

“Puck.” came a small voice from the back seat. It startled Marcus, and then he remembered, Alex.

“No, we don’t say those words, okay? Daddy made a mistake. He should not have said that, okay?”

“Okie.” 

Marcus turned to look forward, rubbing his hands over his face. His cool metal wedding ring not doing a thing to bring down the flames he felt in his face. 

He couldn’t hold it back anymore, with all his might, he punched his steering wheel. But deciding to feel numb as well, he didn’t feel a thing. 

That's when he heard a whimper from behind.

“Oh god,” He turned to see Alex clutching his whale plushie, “Alex, I am so so sorry. Daddy reacted badly. I am so sorry.” Then tears welled in Alex’s eyes.

“Oh, come here.” He unclipped him from the car seat, lifting him to sit on Marcus’s lap. 

“I am so sorry, Alex.” He held his son close, as tears streamed down his cheeks as well.

“Where’s Mommy?” Alex asked, wiping a stray tear from his cheek with his sleeve. 

_FUCK_ , Marcus knew better this time to not say it out loud. He brought his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. How the hell was he going to explain this to her when he couldn’t fully comprehend what he just learned either?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention I was sorry?  
> But in my defense what is a story without cliffhangers?
> 
> Anyways, Merry Christmas, or just happy Friday :)
> 
> As always, Kudos are appreciated, and if you have any recommendations or just thoughts about the chapter, please comment. I would love to know if should work on something, or when you enjoy something in particular.
> 
> Have a nice day :)


	4. Our Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Yah... uhh, I don't really know what to say other than I hope you guys like cliffhangers :)  
> Oh and Happy New Year!

“Marcus, I don’t know where you are, or why you’re not picking up your phone. I’ve called multiple times, but you aren’t picking up. I’m worried about you, and Alex. Please, please, call me back if you get this.” Abby sighed, ending the voice mail.

_ Maybe, just one more time. _

She placed the phone to her ear, hoping, praying that the ringing would stop and she would hear his soft voice. Her hopes lightened when she heard the phone ring more than three times, but her heart broke when she heard his voice mail.

“Hi, this is Marcus Kane, please leave a message after the beep along with your name and I will call you back as soon as possible.”

A soft sob escaped her lips as she sat in her car with the pizzas in the back, she brought her hand to cover her eyes and rub her temples.

“Marcus, please, please, pick up the damn phone. I am going to call Clarke in five minutes if you don’t call back, and then call all the emergency rooms around.” She sniffled.

“God Marcus, call me so I know you and Alex aren’t laying in your bent car somewhere dying.” Her soft sobs turned into loud cries, imagining her baby boy surrounded by glass, covered in blood. The love of her life, lifeless on the paved road blood running from the slit on his forehead. 

“Marcus,” her voice came out broken, “please.” Deep inside she knew she shouldn’t be reacting this way, that she shouldn’t be this emotional, but emotion hit her wave after wave. She wasn’t sure why, she only knew that she had to find out where they were.

She ended the voice mail once again, scrolling through her contacts until she found  _ Lincoln Park Middle School _ .

“Hello, this is the Lincoln Park Middle School Office, what can I help you with?” A young woman's voice came through the line.

Abby took a deep breath wiping the tears from her cheeks, trying to gather herself.

“Hi, yes, this is Abby Kane, Abigail Kane. My daughter is Clarke Griffin-Kane, is it possible to just get her on the phone for maybe five minutes? I just need to ask her a question.”

“Uh-” The voice paused, “yes? Let me just see what class she is currently in-”

“She’s in art, I think her teacher is, uh-, Mrs. Uh- Mrs. Pike.”

“Ahh, yes her husband is the biology teacher, Mr. Pike, correct?”

“Yeah,” Abby wondered how there could be two Mrs. Pike’s. It didn’t seem like a super common surname.

“Okay, I just asked Mrs. Pike to send her to the office. She should be here any minute. Do you need anything else, Mrs. Kane?”

“No, that will be all, thank you.” Abby put herself on mute, checking her messages one more time.

When nothing new had been sent to her from Marcus, she went to her home screen. It had been a picture taken at the beach when Alex was less than a year old.

They stood in the early June sunlight. Two-year-old Hope sat on Marcus’s hip holding one arm in the air smiling at the camera. Marcus wrapped his free arm around the ten-year-old Clarke. He stood slightly bent over, his feet shoulder-width apart, his knees bending slightly, to be closer to Clarke. Clarke excitedly stood next to the sandcastle she had proudly named The Ark. Abby stood next to Marcus one hand holding the almost year-old Alex and her other elbow resting on Marcus’s shoulder. She was on the same side that Hope was being held, and her finger was clenched in Hope's hand.

God how this seemed forever ago but simultaneously only seconds ago.

“Mom?” Clark's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

“Clarke, sweetie.”

“Mom, is everything okay? Why are you calling me at school?”

“I don’t want to keep you from your class so I'll make this quick. Has Dad contacted you?” Saying it out loud now showed Abby how crazy her thought was, why would he set up lunch with Abby and then contact Clarke at some point between events? She felt stupid for asking.

“No… He dropped me at school, Alex was with him, and then he drove off. Like normal.” She paused, but when Abby was silent she decided to investigate, “Why?” still silence, “Mom, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, honey… Everythings fine. I'll explain this tonight, sorry for pulling you from class, I'll see you at home. Love you.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

Abby thumped her head against her headrest, wanting to cry and simultaneously drive all over the city searching for Marcus.

But when she opened her eyes and brought her head to look at the car parked in front of her. She didn’t have the energy to clear the tears forming in her eyes. 

Then energy shocked through her when through her tears she saw two blurry figures, a man and a child being held in his arms as he walked into the Gino's East. She wiped her eyes focusing on the figures as they walked out. Then the man placed the child on the floor to stand as he rubbed his hands over his face, obviously distraught.

Wait, that was Marcus, she could spot that beard and wavy hair anywhere. The kid, that was Alex, his blue shirt covered in whales being a dead giveaway.

Abby swung the car door open. 

“Marcus! Alex!” She ran towards them, wrapping her arms around Alex, lifting him from the ground, and cradling the back of his neck with her hand. She turned to Marcus resting her forehead on his shoulder, tears welling in her eyes. 

Alex wrapped his arms around Abby’s neck, completely confused by why she was so worried. 

Abby’s sobs grew just slightly softer when she felt Marcus’s arms wrapped around her and Alex.

Whispering in her ear, “I’m so sorry, Abby. I’m so sorry”

She shook her head into his shoulder, leaning into his embrace.

“Where-what…” She whispered through a sob. Lifting her head to make eye contact with Marcus. 

“Abby, I-I don’t… I lost track of time…”

“You lost track of time?! Seriously, Marcus?!” Anger hid under her voice, although she wasn’t mad. She was relieved, scared at most. 

“I am so, so sorry.” He moved her stray hairs behind her ear, uncovering her drenched cheeks. “God, I feel horrible.” He wiped her cheek with his thumb.

Abby placed Alex back to the ground and threw her arms around Marcus’s neck. “I thought you had been in a car crash.” She whispered through sniffles, as he held her in his embrace. “I thought you were both lying on the road covered in blood,” her sniffles turned to sobs, “I thought you were dead.” Her last words came out broken as she tightened her grip about Marcus’s neck.

“Oh Abby,” He nuzzled his face into her hair, having to slightly bend down, “I am not going anywhere… You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

She chuckled and stood there a moment longer. 

Marcus removed his face from Abby’s neck where it had been buried, when he felt a tug at his shirt, dropping his gaze to find Alex. 

“Just a second, Buddy.” He returned his attention back to Abby.

“I’m okay.” She shook her head.

“Are you sure?”

“Mmhmm.” She wiped her cheek.

He drew her into his embrace one more time, “What time do you need to go back to work?”

“I don’t.”

He gave her a puzzled look.

“I called in requesting a personal day when I couldn’t get a hold of you, luckily, I didn’t have any surgeries.” She rested her ear to his chest. Her mind and heart still racing from the previous events.

“Then we should get home, maybe eat some pizza?”

“PISZA!” Alex exclaimed holding his arms in the air, dropping the whale to the floor.

“Oop,” Marcus bent down and grabbed the plushie.

“Daddy, up,”

“Up what…” Abby intervened.

“Daddy, up, please.” He said with the sweetest smile.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” Marcus placed his hands under his arms, lifting him to sit on his hip. And snaked his arm around Abby, “Hey, we are safe, and I am right here. I'm right here.” He said to her ear and then placed a kiss to her temple.

“Yeah,” She nodded her head, bringing her hands to intertwine like a hook on his shoulder, “what did happen?” She rested her temple on his shoulder.

“Nothing,” he almost said it too fast, he started to move to her car, “absolutely nothing.” He couldn’t tell her, not now anyway. He would though, at some point. He would tell her all about her, well, what little he knew about her. He just knew he needed to know more about the situation to be able to inform her. 

But when he walked to his car, Alex still held in his arms, after saying a soft  _ see you at home _ , to Abby. A pool of guilt gathered in his stomach. He knew it was wrong. He knew she had the right to know, but he wasn’t ready. Wasn’t ready to accept the fact that a little girl was laying in a hospital bed, unconscious, motherless, and her father just learning of her existence hours ago.

-

11:30pm:

“Marcus,” Abby cupped his cheek forcing him to look at her. Her other arm underneath her as she nuzzled into Marcus’s side as they watched the TV, “are you okay?”

He softly smiled moving his hand to rest on top of hers kissing her palm, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” She placed her hand to rest on his chest, “You seemed a little off since we’ve gotten home.”

“I’m fine, I promise.” The pool of guilt now the size of Lake Michigan.

“Okay… but, please, if you need anything, talk to me. I am always here for you, love.”

“Will do.” He grinned ear to ear, laying a kiss to her temple. “I am going to check on Hope and Alex, and then you ready for bed?”

“Okay, but why check Hope?” Abby asked because Hope had always been their best sleeper. Clarke always wanted to play with something, or just wonder, adventuring as Marcus would say when Clarke was just learning to crawl. Alex was quite the opposite, he always wanted, or wants, to be held. And being in a crib by himself never quite satisfied him. So, when he was quite young they would lay him between them, surrounded by his parents, he would often drift to sleep and they would take him to his room. But now he was older and they had to start letting him sleep on his own.

“My dad senses are telling me somethings up with her…” he smirked.

“Oh really? And what exactly are the dad senses or dad superpowers saying?”

“My ears are sending signals to my brain that they hear something close to pillows and comforters being moved around.” His smirk somehow grew larger.

“Oh… well then, you better get in there before she is fully awake because then we are never getting to sleep.”

“I will use my Dad power to make sure that doesn’t happen.” He lifted himself from the couch and headed to the second floor, the first door on his left. A white light pouring from the gap at the bottom of the door. 

_ Oh dear god… please let it be her night light _ .

He pushed the door open, softly, his eyes rested on Hope. She was dressed in a matching purple long-sleeved shirt and pants, sparsely covered in dark purple outlined flowers. Her head slung off the side of the bed. Her tiny handheld a flashlight pointed to the ceiling, while her other casted shadows against it. Her wavy hair falling down the side of the bed. Her eyes, full of wonder. She was completely oblivious to the fact that he was standing there, leaning against the door frame. Watching her, his mind racing through different thoughts like, how much she reflected Abby, not only in her appearance but personality as well. To how he missed all of this with her, his child laying there in need of her father, but he was too cowardly to tell his wife what he had learned less than twelve hours ago.

_ Idiot _ , he thought, why couldn’t he walk into the living room and just say it? What bad would come out of it? It was definitely a change, but since when was change a bad thing? They had talked about having another kid, but this was never in his life plan of how that would happen.

He shook his head, wanting to wipe the thoughts from his mind, and just enjoy what he had now.

He lightly knocked on the wooden door frame, catching Hope's attention, “Sweetie, what are you doing up so late? You should be asleep.”

“Sorry, Daddy…” she sat up placing the flashlight next to her avoiding her father‘s eye contact, thinking she would see disappointment laying within them.

He stepped into the room letting only the yellow undertoned lighting from the hallway illuminate the room, casting shadows upon every surface.

He sat on the edge of the bed, causing a dip in the mattress. He used his hands to maneuver his way to the head bored, he leaned his back against it. The light lavender painted room invading his view. 

“Come sit next to me,” Marcus spoke softly to let Hope know he was in no way mad. So, she crawled into the spot next to him. He put one arm around her, and she rested her head on his chest. “Hope, do you wanna tell me why you’re awake?” He spoke gently, stoking Hopes hair.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Well, why couldn’t you sleep?” Marcus stopped stroking her and grabbed the duvet to cover her.

“Alex said that today Mommy was crying.” 

Marcus stiffened and held his breath trying to compose how to explain this. But then it hit him. He couldn’t… but lying, was that the road he wanted to go down? No, maybe he will just withhold information? Yes, that is what he will do.

“Daddy- Today, Daddy made a mistake and it made Mommy really worried. But everything is okay now, okay? There is nothing to worry about.”

Hope nodded her head, still looking at her hands with her head resting on her father's chest.

“Why didn’t you come out when you couldn’t sleep?”

“I thought- I don’t know…” 

Marcus heard reluctance in her voice, and he knew everything he needed to know.  _ She was scared to see Abby sad as Alex did… Oh god, how must Alex feel? I was caught up with how Abby was doing, I didn’t think about how seeing Abby that way would affect him… idiot. _

“Hey, my little warrior?” She looked up at him, “Why don’t you come sit outside with Mommy and me?”

She shook her head immediately.

“Hey, hey,” He tightened his arms around her, “Mommy, is okay now. Everything is okay.” He knew he was going down a black hole of white lies, “And Mommy and I love you, so so much, okay?”

She nodded her head, bringing her sleeve to wipe her nose.

“And you  _ never _ forget that.” He placed a kiss to the crown of Hope's head. They sat in silence for a few moments, when Marcus broke the silence, knowing that she wouldn’t fall asleep if he just tucked her in again and left, “Why don’t you come sit outside with Mommy and me, and watch some TV? Just for a little bit, because then you need to go to bed… deal?”

“Deal.” She lifted her head to reveal her bright smile, her lips still stuck together, and the cutest dimple on one cheek. 

Marcus swung his legs off the edge of the bed and lifted himself from the mattress. He turned and held out a hand for Hope, bringing her to a standing position next to him. With her hand still in his, they walked to the living room.

“Hope?” Abby gave Marcus a sly eye when they both rounded to the front of the couch. Marcus sat down on the far left of the couch.

“She couldn’t sleep…” 

“Superpowers not working so well tonight?” Abby smirked, as she moved herself to the middle of the couch, resting her back on his shoulder, and he placed his arm to rest over her on the top of the couch. “Why couldn’t you sleep, sweetie?”

“Nightmare… it's nothing.” Hopes gaze fixed on her feet.

“Oh, I’m sorry, come here.” Abby held open arms for Hope. Hope crawled on the couch and onto her lap. She rested her ear to Abby's chest, wrapped in Abby’s embrace. 

Marcus moved some stray hair behind Abby’s ear. Contemplating if he should whisper what this ‘nightmare’ was.

After just a few moments listing the pros and cons of revealing the information, Hope had hidden from Abby. He bent his head slightly to align his lips with Abby’s ear. First checking to see if the girl that was laying in Abby's arms was at least not focused on Abby or himself. She was in Abby’s arms, her mother's fingers gliding through her hair, she was spaced out. 

“It wasn’t a nightmare…” He whispered to Abby's ear. Her hand froze. Her face looking puzzled, but not aligning her gaze with Marcus’s. Her slight nod indicated to him to continue. “Alex had told her you were upset, crying, earlier. I am not one hundred percent sure, but I think she was scared it had been something to do with her. Since, well- you know, last time…”

Abby nodded, remembering the incident that only occurred a few days prior. 

  
  


**Hope had been next to Abby in the target, and then she was gone. Abby's heart broke remembering the memory. She had later found Hope seated on a bench in Lincoln Park a block or two away. Abby had been so scared, worried, and mad. That she placed it all on Hope. Afterward, Abby felt like the worst mother in the world, that she may have scarred her for life. The night of the incident, Hope couldn’t sleep but didn’t want Abby. Causing Abby to have the ultimate breakdown in her master bedroom, just down the hall. Hope heard the crying, so instinctively, she walked into the room to witness Abby being rocked in Marcus’s arms. Tears streaming down her face, one of Marcus’s arms wrapped tightly around her crumbling body, the other holding her head to his chest. They hadn’t noticed Hope right away, so she stood there, face blank, body numb, asking herself if this was because of her. But what she heard next confirmed her question.**

**_You’re a great mother. It’s going to be okay._ ** **Marcus said to her through calm, loving, reassuring shushes.** **_She hates me._ ** **Abby sobbed.** **_She doesn’t hate you_ ** **. Marcus reassured her.**

**This all hit Hope hard at the time, she took a step back to leave, to retreat to her room and never come out. She may only be four, but things still made her feel deeply gutted, and these were one of those things. This; the feeling of knowing you’re causing your mother** **_deep_ ** **gut-wrenching pain.**

**But when she took a step to retreat, the hardwood floor creaked. Both Marcus and Abby raised their gaze. Hope froze like a deer in headlights. Abby wiped her tears, standing to go to Hope.**

**_Oh, baby, I’m so sor-_ ** **but before she could finish her sentence, tears shredded from Hope's eyes as she ran out of the room, Abby went after her, but Hope had closed her door and sat against it.** **_Baby, please open the door, talk to me, please._ ** **Abby spoke softly trying not to let her emotion be heard.**

**_I want Daddy!_ ** **Hope cried, from the other side of the door. Abby turned to see Marcus leaning against their master bedroom door frame. He walked towards her. She put her hands to her face, and Marcus wrapped his arms around Abby, whispering into her ear.**

**_It’s going to be okay… why don’t you go get a glass of water, take a shower, and lay down. By then I should be back, sound okay?_ ** **She nodded, removing her hands from her face, wrapping her arms around him soaking his shirt even more than she had earlier.** **_It’s going to be okay, we will deal with this tomorrow._ ** **He kissed her temple, releasing Abby. She headed downstairs for that glass of water. Once he was sure she was downstairs, he pitched the bridge of his nose, and softly knocked on the door,** **_My little warrior? It’s Daddy. Just me._ ** **The door opened to reveal Hope's red face and damp cheeks. He held out his arms, and she fell into his embrace.**

**_I’m so sorry, Daddy._ ** **She cried into his shoulder. He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around him, tightening her grip around his neck as her sobs and cries became heavier.** **_I’m so so sorry._ ** **She kept repeating. Marcus closed the door with his foot, walking to the bed, placing Hope to sit on one side and he sat next to her. Immediately wrapping her in his embrace again.**

**_It’s not your fault._ ** **He kissed her head.**

  
  
  


Abby’s blood ran cold at the memory, it had only been a few days ago, and yet it felt ages ago. Feeling her eyes become damp, she looked at Marcus, a tear fled down her cheek. And Marcus wiped it away, whispering,

“It’s not your fault, we didn’t know Alex would say anything, it’s not anyone's fault.”

Her heart grew heavy, she checked to see Hopes attention status, she was dead asleep.

“Marcus, I don’t know what to do anymore…”

“ _ We _ , are doing fine, doing everything right. Or to the best of our abilities. Kids get hurt, adults get hurt... It's-well its life, and as much as I want, and I know you want to, shield Clarke, Hope, and Alex, from it. But we can’t, some lessons are just harder to learn than others.”

“Marcus?” she looked at him, “Why can’t I be the good guy? Why do I try so, so hard, but it’s never enough?”  
“You are doing more than anyone should ever be asked to do. And good guys? Abby, you’re a goddamn superhero. You did everything you could that day, kids wander off, that's just kids being kids. And no one judged you for that, it what you did afterward is what makes you a ‘good guy’ if those exist.”

She gazed into his eyes, wanting to cry, but she didn’t understand what he meant ‘what you did afterward…’.

He spotted her confusion, “Abby, you found our daughter, you put everything to a halt, you stopped at nothing to find her. And the best part, you let her know what she did wrong. If you didn’t teach her that, who knows, she may have walked away from me the next day and she wouldn’t be safe in your arms.” She nodded her head unknowingly how she wanted to react, “Hey, you did what you needed to do, and if Hope doesn’t see what you did was the right thing at first… then we let her be mad for a while, as long as she is safe.” Abby parted her lips to speak, but Marcus continued, “Now, I don’t think that’s what caused her to not want you that night or not be able to sleep tonight. I think she didn’t want to talk or speak to you, because she thinks she was causing your pain, and that's what she was hiding from. That she couldn’t face the fact that she caused one of the people she loves the most in the world such great pain. That is why I don’t think she could face you. And I think she couldn’t sleep because she thought you were crying because of something she may have done. That she felt as though she was a bad kid for that.” 

It hit Marcus…  _ I can’t mutter out the truth because I am scared to hurt Abby… _ This truth hit too close to home. Bringing light moisture to his own eyes. But how would this hurt Abby? Was it because he was so confused about the situation himself he wasn’t sure how she would react? Was it that this change could uproot their lives, changing how perfect everything is now? Was it that?

  
  


4 pm, The next day:

“Clarke, will you help Hope get started on her homework, please,” Marcus asked, setting his keys on the kitchen counter.

“But, Dad, it’s Friday!”

“Yes, Clarke, I know. Just please get it done today…”

“UGHHHH… fine.” Clarke walked to the kitchen island with Hope placing her bag to the floor with a huge  _ thunk _ as she pulled two chairs out. “Can you at least make us a snack?” a deep attitude laid under her words.

_ Damn, who knew a twelve-year-old could have such an attitude… _ Marcus thought.

“Yeah, sure, what do you want?” He chose to ignore it.

“Uhhh… surprise us... I guess.”

“Okay then… what do we have in here?” He opened the fridge seeking something simple and edible. 

“How bout-” He started, but his phone rang from his pocket. It was from the hospital, and not Abby’s, the one in Evanston… “Uhhmm, I have to take this… outside, I’ll be back. Get started on that homework you two while I am gone.”

“Wouldn’t dream of anything else…” As Marcus neared the backdoor he heard Clarke yell from the kitchen, “What do four-year-olds have for homework anyway?!”

“I don’t know, Clarke, ask Hope!” He stepped outside closing the door behind him, placing the phone to his ear, “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Mr. Kane, Marcus Kane?”

“Yes, can I ask who I'm talking to?”

“Ahh, yes, I am a nurse at the hospital your daughter is being treated at. My name is Gina. I hope you are having a good day. I am here to inform you of your daughter's condition.”

“Yes…” Guilt pooled in his stomach whenever he thought about keeping such a big thing from Abby, “I wouldn’t say she's exactly my daughter, well maybe, I don’t know…”

“Well, she is improving, still unconscious, but stable. The doctors are seeing more brain activity than the other day, which is good. But we are still unsure if or when she will wake up.”

“Okay… I feel a but coming.”

“No, no but, only one more thing to mention. We have contacted a social services agent, to help make your transition easier if she were to wake up, since, well. Your situation is unique, for a lack of a better word.”

“Okay…”

“They should contact you shortly. And I think that maybe it might be helpful to you if I were to read the email to you so you are more informed, would that be okay?”

“Yes,” Marcus rubbed his temple, “please, go ahead.”

“This is from the agency; Please inform Marcus Kane that an Agent will be making contact with him sometime in the next few days, he should have his phone at times between 1 pm-4 pm, being ready for a call regarding his situation with his daughter,  _ Octavia Blake _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I should be sorry or just walk out the door... 
> 
> I hope you guys liked this chapter, and please comment if you have any comments, I enjoy knowing what I should work on.  
> Again, Kudos are appreciated and make my day :)
> 
> Wishing everyone a great 2021!


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